Monday, May 28, 2007
sometimes i just feel so tired, and just feel like giving up. when doubt creeps into your mind and you feel all alone, it really brings you crashing to the ground. do my peers feel the same way? are they as furious and hurt by the absolute stupidity and morality of the whole issue? are they just prepared to accept what they give and move on? sigh. organizing and fronting this whole fight is more taxing than you would imagine. sometimes i just wanna give up myself. after all i am one of the lucky ones with the options right?
normally i unwind in the shower. the warm water cascading down over my face has an amazing de-stressing effect. its the way it loads your senses i think, feeling the torrent of water reverberating in your head, the water licking and flowing over your skin. cuts all distractions out. but just now i felt so... numb, and disconnected.
the problem is made worse by my inability to open up, and collapse on somebody's shoulder. this is a conditioned thing, for Ive always preferred to stand on my own and not be reliant. i need it now, but i can't. how screwed up is that. its at times like these where i can see the usefulness of religion. damn me for being too cynical to accept that crutch.
but I'm so thankful to the many supportive people i have around me. my friends, my family, thanks. undoubtedly, the fact that they're there helps so much, even though i unconsciously strive not to burden them.
tomorrow is gonna be an crucial day. our voice needs to be heard.
i wish i could "SEE HOW" in this situation. my 'see how' philosophy has worked so well in the past, it would make things a lot easier now.
~
gosh i sound so gay. (jon is angry at himself for being so mopey, stand up you fuck)
blehhh
normally i unwind in the shower. the warm water cascading down over my face has an amazing de-stressing effect. its the way it loads your senses i think, feeling the torrent of water reverberating in your head, the water licking and flowing over your skin. cuts all distractions out. but just now i felt so... numb, and disconnected.
the problem is made worse by my inability to open up, and collapse on somebody's shoulder. this is a conditioned thing, for Ive always preferred to stand on my own and not be reliant. i need it now, but i can't. how screwed up is that. its at times like these where i can see the usefulness of religion. damn me for being too cynical to accept that crutch.
but I'm so thankful to the many supportive people i have around me. my friends, my family, thanks. undoubtedly, the fact that they're there helps so much, even though i unconsciously strive not to burden them.
tomorrow is gonna be an crucial day. our voice needs to be heard.
i wish i could "SEE HOW" in this situation. my 'see how' philosophy has worked so well in the past, it would make things a lot easier now.
~
gosh i sound so gay. (jon is angry at himself for being so mopey, stand up you fuck)
blehhh
