Monday, July 11, 2005
my life so far has really been a breeze. i have gotten a lot of things so easily that i have come to believe myself to be extremely capable and that i can get anything i want.
for example studies, back in sec sch i always used to say "bah i could get 6points so easily if i wanted to", this made it easy for me to accept the gazillion points that i did get in the end, bish. its my biggest flaw, not bothering to put in effort coz 'i know i can do it anyway, so why bother?' but till now i have yet to learn my lesson, coz despite all my cock ups, my luck continues and things are still working out(though i suspect my luck will reach its limit very soon it will be up to me from then on)
this mindset of mine did cause a major shake up in my confidence levels at some point in sec sch. the only thing in my life that i have put *some* effort in and not seen results is sports. but i have since accepted that im lousy and have no talent and accepted this 'exception'. so it doesnt really bother me anymore.
why am i suddenly saying all this? in a recent event, i felt i had an advantage (again, an advantage i got through luck) and didnt act upon it. why? maybe because of pride, and i didnt think it was worth my effort. as a result i feel the advantage has slipped away, which is ok coz i dont really want it anyway, and i *know* i could have got it if i wanted. sigh what a screwed up attitude huh?
for example studies, back in sec sch i always used to say "bah i could get 6points so easily if i wanted to", this made it easy for me to accept the gazillion points that i did get in the end, bish. its my biggest flaw, not bothering to put in effort coz 'i know i can do it anyway, so why bother?' but till now i have yet to learn my lesson, coz despite all my cock ups, my luck continues and things are still working out(though i suspect my luck will reach its limit very soon it will be up to me from then on)
this mindset of mine did cause a major shake up in my confidence levels at some point in sec sch. the only thing in my life that i have put *some* effort in and not seen results is sports. but i have since accepted that im lousy and have no talent and accepted this 'exception'. so it doesnt really bother me anymore.
why am i suddenly saying all this? in a recent event, i felt i had an advantage (again, an advantage i got through luck) and didnt act upon it. why? maybe because of pride, and i didnt think it was worth my effort. as a result i feel the advantage has slipped away, which is ok coz i dont really want it anyway, and i *know* i could have got it if i wanted. sigh what a screwed up attitude huh?
